I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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