Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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