I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
smell my finger.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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