i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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