this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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