i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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