Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize