I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
