I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
