Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
