how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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