turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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