I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You're like the curious george of whores
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
