Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
