then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
