Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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