im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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