just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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