There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
