if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
