Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
