I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
