Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
