how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
