hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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