Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
