here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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