I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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