I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
