youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
