then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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