Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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