I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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