I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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