was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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