I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
