First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
