Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
