When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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