I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
