nut hugger
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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