so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
