I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize