I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
