I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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