Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
