I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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