last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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