ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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