Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
