Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
