he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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