I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
