this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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