They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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