i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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