If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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