I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
