Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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