My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize