God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
