You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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